JED's Rules of the Game
Link to Original Story: Rules of the Game - JED
I knew the general gist of what I was going to write almost as soon as I got the pitch, but initially I thought it was going to be much more of a dialog between the two characters. I'm glad (and JP agrees with me on this) that it didn't end up that way. George's character is kind of a stand in "everyman" but I think he also has some of his own character (JP points out that he actually manages to go through a character arc in 2 pages). JP mentioned a few things that I want to consider:
a) The sentence about George not knowing about atom bombs, really takes you out of character. Everything prior to this is seen pretty much from George's point of view, and this builds the narrator into it more. That wasn't really my intention, and I think it might be kind of distracting, just for a cheap laugh.
b) The use of the sun as visual metaphor for God's relationship with light (the constraints of not making it go away, etc) might have been a little too "light-handed" (ha ha). I was afraid that it would be too heavy, once I noticed it was there, but as JP says, authors are often more aware of their subtle intent than readers, so I shouldn't be so afraid.
c) I think I should have stayed away from the pun about "life is a drag." It seemed funny when I wrote it, but now I think it might have been a bit of a cheap shot.
All in all though, I'm really happy with how this turned out. I like the idea as a play from the pitch. I think it was creative but did a very good job of capturing the essence of "the rules." I like the way that the dialog developed between the characters, and the fact that you never know if he's God or just some loony. I like the way that God expresses himself, that it captures the casual awareness/disregard he has for the audience. I also like that it relates the act of creating art to the story, and the note that you're never sure if you're creating or just uncovering. It isn't heavy handed, and I don't think it's too cliché.
JP says thusly: