Friday, June 30, 2006

JP's Moses

Link to Original Story: Moses - JP

Like the previous story, this one is a last minute special, and hasn’t been edited either—I hadn’t even read it until just before writing this comment. JED likes this story, and on a second reading, it’s better than I thought it was, but I still consider it a failure. I think the idea is a sound one, maybe even a beautiful one, but I waited far too long to actually write it, and the execution is a little lacking. There are two parts, two paragraphs I like. The first one is when Aaron is being led into the chamber and it juxtaposes the church service and the execution so that the two become one event. I wish I could have written the entire story in that same style, but it was difficult to keep up; at least at six thirty on a Saturday night, with a very hungry C subtly asking to be fed and why the hell I hadn’t written it earlier. The second part I like is the actual execution—if I rewrite this story, I’ll keep that paragraph.


JED says thusly:

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